Gender divide leads to fewer Koreans dating

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By Lee Hae-rin

A thirty-something office worker surnamed Han, who lives in Pangyo, south of Seoul, has not dated men for over five years because she does not believe she could ever find the right person in Korea.

An increase in media reports about crimes targeting women evokes real fears in her everyday life of stalking, sexual assault and even femicide. Han said that men in her age group would always say, "'Not all men are like that," or cast blame on the female victims.

Han added that dating is no longer a part of her pursuit of happiness after realizing that almost all men she meets and knows fail to understand the discrimination and fear women face in Korea.

Lee Bo-young, 33, an office worker in Seongnam, Gyeonggi Province who has also stopped dating men by choice for nearly three years, thinks looking for Korean men of her age who understand and support gender equality is like "looking for a unicorn."

"I see them (men of my age group) as equal, just as human beings. But they only see me as a person of the opposite sex ― a potential partner for sexual intercourse or possibly a mother of their children. That makes me extremely uncomfortable," she said.

Lee has also talked with her male acquaintances about news reports of the growing number of crimes against women. They told her that men are also afraid. Police reports show crimes against females have increased from 16,006 in 2007 to 28,228 in 2021 and an overwhelming 86.7 percent of victims of violent crimes in Korea were women from 2011 to 2020.

"I felt that they can't understand and sympathize with my fears and concerns. I don't think I can make any emotional connection with such people on issues that are important to me," Lee said, explaining that she stopped engaging or even trying to develop any chance of a romantic relationship with men ever since.

In this photo taken on Sept. 18, 2022, flowers and notes of condolences are displayed at Seoul Metro's Sindang Station restroom, where a female subway worker was killed two days earlier by a male colleague who stalked and harassed her. Yonhap

According to a Gallup survey released May 11, over half of unmarried Korean men and women in their 20s and 30s find each other difficult to relate to. Only about one out of three unmarried respondents said they were in a relationship.

As many as 56 percent of men said they want to socialize with women, whereas only 27 percent of women felt the same way, and 41 percent said they have no desire to interact with men. The surveyed included both married and single people.

Their perceptions of each other were also different. Among unmarried men, 46 percent thought of their female counterparts as being competent, while only 24 percent of unmarried women saw men in the same light.

Men showed a greater tendency to view their female counterparts as being dishonest or insincere, at 50 percent and 33 percent respectively.

Amid the deepening gender divide in Korea and plummeting birth and marriage rates, more and more young people are choosing not to pursue relationships with members of the opposite sex.

About one out of three adults living in Seoul have not had sexual intercourse for over a year, according to a 2021 study by Professor Youm Yoo-sik from Yonsei University's Department of Sociology.

The study shows that it was mostly a female choice ― more women (43 percent) were not engaged in a sexual relationship than men (29 percent) and their top reason was a lack of interest, while the main reason among men was the lack of a partner.

In the study, the number of sexless respondents in their 20s was as high as for those in their 60s. The scholar cited the trend to opt out of marriage, widespread feminism and economic hardship as reasons behind the phenomenon.

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Gallup surveyed 39 countries with Worldwide Independent Network of Market Research (WIN) and the results indicate that the difference between men and women on gender equality perception in the workplace, politics and households is greater in Korea than in most other countries.

In the 2022 report, 34 percent of Korean male respondents said gender equality exists now in workplaces, while only 18 percent of women agreed. In 2019, 27 percent of men in their 20s thought women are more favored in Korean society, whereas only 9 percent of women in that age group agreed.

"Since 2015, the gender divide among the young generation has been growing. Such a trend could have influenced them in their personal dating relationships," Choi Sun-young, an associate research fellow at the Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs (KIHASA), said during the group's forum on population policy last October, noting that women could perceive their partner as a potential threat to their well-being under such circumstances.

Since dating and marriage trends cannot be free from gender issues, the conflicting views between young men and women should be taken into consideration in bridging the gender divide, she said.

"I just want to meet someone who can understand that we are all different and go through different lives but I see the odds are unlikely," Lee said, adding that the growing gender divide could be the driving force behind the success of the Korean romance drama and K-pop industry because the male figures in media satisfy women's ideals.

Han also wishes to meet someone empathetic and considerate who understands gender equality. "I think the chances are lower than 10 percent," Han said, "But I don't plan to compromise."