The way bullies recall their past

The Korea Times

The Korea Times

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Sat, September 23, 2023 | 07:45

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The way bullies recall their past

Posted : 2021-02-25 10:51

Updated : 2021-02-26 10:17

Experts say bullies are forgetful, partly because they have a lack of, or a lower level of empathy with others. gettyimagesbank

Some bullies unable to fathom victims' suffering

By Kang Hyun-kyung

The recent bullying scandals that have rocked the Korean entertainment and sports scenes show a deep gap in narratives about the same shared experiences of the alleged victims and the people accused of having bullied them.

Victims say their lives were ruined as the traumatic experiences continue to haunt them. Some alleged bullies, meanwhile, insist that they don't even remember such horrific incidents and that if such a thing really happened, they were "teasing" and what they had done wasn't meaning that they tried to harass their counterparts.

The clash of the two accounts raises a key question: Why do people have different, if not contrasting, memories about the same shared experience?

Various interpretations are possible. Either side could have lied about what happened. Or some could have exaggerated what they had done or what they had gone through for their own benefit.

But what if the allegations raised are true and the deniers meant it when they said they didn't do it? How could two people having the same shared experience have different memories?

Lee Kyung-soo, a psychiatrist and adjunct professor of Yonsei University, says a perception gap could be one reason.

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"Memories are neither objective nor accurate," she said. "If someone recalls something, their accounts usually reflect the narrator's reconstruction of a story of what actually happened back then and how he or she felt at that time. So, along with fading memories, emotions are also involved in their interpretation of the past event, making their memories inaccurate."

Besides this, Lee noted a bully's mentality also differs from that of a victim.

"Bullies are forgetful, partly because they have a lack of, or a lower level of empathy with others, so they don't understand how others involved would have felt about their violent actions," she said.

"So, it's probable that they didn't even understand what they were doing or how their counterparts would have felt when they harassed them. This explains why some bullies don't understand the suffering of their victims."

Some celebrities and stars accused of bullying have denied allegations about their past deeds.

Countering an anonymous schoolmate's claim that she was beaten and abused by a violent girl who later became a star, K-pop girl band (G)I-DLE member Soojin said she was not a violent girl when she was in school.

"It's true that I was a bit unusual when I was a middle schoolgirl. There were always bad rumors about me which I was quite used to. I wore clothing that was not suitable for a schoolgirl. I once smoked, too, as I was curious about smoking," she said in a statement she uploaded on her online fan community. "But there's one thing I'd like to make it clear regarding the allegations. There was no violence involved. I know who the girl is but I never hit her or stole her school uniform or her other belongings as she claimed."

Soojin also denied allegations that she bullied actor Seo Shin-ae. The two went to same middle school. Despite her denials, revelations about her past continued.

K-pop star Hyun-ah is another denier about her past. An anonymous internet user claimed in a post on an online community that the singer was her elementary classmate and she was a violent girl.

Refuting her claim, Hyun-ah said her childhood was different from other girls of her age. "I was an aspiring singer and entered the entertainment industry as a trainee when I was only 12 years old. I didn't slap anyone's face nor did I punch anybody," she said in a statement which was released immediately after the allegation.

Regarding the two separate cases, as of now, it remains unknown whose statements are based on facts or close to truth.

hkang@koreatimes.co.kr